The Vice of Envy
As we continue through Rebecca Konydyk DeYoung’s discussion of the seven capital vices, this month we’ll examine envy and ways that we can combat this vice. DeYoung defines envy as feeling bitter when others have it better. When I’m envious, I feel my own lack or inferiority more strongly when I see others who have it better.
While many use “envy” and “jealousy” interchangeably, these are distinct ideas. Jealousy involves loving another person, or loving an object that you have, while fearing that they or it may be lost or taken away. Envy is different. When I’m envious of another person, I don’t like their status or success, because it makes me feel my own lack of status or success more acutely. I think of myself as less. I’m bitter because they have it better.
There are several different symptoms of envy. Here’s a partial list:
Feeling offended at the talents or good fortune of other people.
Selfish forms of competition or rivalry.
Taking pleasure in the distress of others.
Prejudice against those we think of as inferior to ourselves or who seem to think we are inferior to them.
Ridicule of others.
Attributing false motives to others.
Gossip, slander, and bullying.
Passive-aggressive backstabbing.
Making false accusations.
There are many more, but this helps us to see some ways that envy might be active in our lives.
The envious feel less loved, less admirable, and less worthy, because of what is lacking in who they are. In many ways, then, envy is an enemy of love. In love, we rejoice in the good of others. In envy, we have sorrow over their good. The envious cannot love their neighbor. They are bitter and want bad for their neighbor, and they want this in order to increase their own status. Truly loving their neighbor would lower their own self-worth, which is grounded in self-perceived status rather than true worth and value. The envious don’t have a secure self-worth which helps enable them to love. Their sense of self-worth is unstable, which short circuits their ability to love others and rejoice with them. Love from others and God is simply a gift, it is not deserved. Envy sees love and worth as earned, even won, rather than received.
As I reflect on envy, another problem comes to mind. Envy is self-defeating. Why?
There will always be someone who has it better than we do. Several years ago I was reading about the super-rich in New York City, people that have more money than they know what to do with, who have reached the pinnacle of what our society sees as “success.” The article described how if someone purchased a new yacht that was 3 feet longer than another of the super-rich, that other person would feel compelled to get a new yacht, one that surpassed the yacht size of their rival. The details don’t matter. It can be a multi-million dollar yacht, or just a newer car, a better smart phone, a promotion at work, praise from the pulpit for one’s service to the church, and so on. But if it is right that someone else will always have it better, the wisest and best course of action includes giving up the race for status or honor. Ultimately, it is a race to nowhere.
What is the solution?
According to Konydyk DeYoung, we must find a different foundation for our self-worth, “we need to work from a new vision of who we are, as unconditionally beloved children of God” (80). There are a variety of ways to develop this new vision. We can reflect on this truth, that we are unconditionally beloved children of God. We can reflect and meditate on how Jesus defied envy, competitive views of worth and love, and offered love as a gift.
There are several other things we can do to weaken the envy in our hearts and lives.
Reflect on who we envy. This will tell us how we define our identity, and where we feel vulnerable.
Practice not comparing yourself to others as a way to engineer self-worth. We can learn to appreciate excellence for its own sake, wherever we encounter it. We can celebrate the excellence created or exemplified by others, and focus less on trying to bolster a distorted sense of self-worth by feeling offended or belittled by their excellence.
Engage in activities with shared goods. These goods are those that we share with others, experience with others, rather than beat others to in competition. Friendship is one shared good. We can also enjoy nature, music, or a good movie with others.
Engage in hidden acts of loving service. When we do something for the good of others, without anyone knowing it, this undermines competitiveness and the temptation to make comparisons of self-worth.
The practice of gratitude. By intentionally focusing on the everyday gifts and blessings we have, we are better able see all the goodness we already have. In addition, we become less concerned about the goodness others have.
As in all of the discussion of these vices here the past few months, I’m just skimming the surface of what DeYoung has to offer in her book. If you are finding the discussion here at Rediscovering the Way helpful, I highly recommend getting a copy of Glittering Vices. There are more insights, reflection questions, and practices that I think are practical and life-giving, and help us connect to God and one another in deeper and more life-sustaining ways.